Friday, June 11, 2010

waves and breakers

"...all your waves and breakers have swept over me." Psalm 42:7

Yesterday was a bad day. I was ill and in pain. Today is a little better, and I am going to an acupuncture appointment which I hope will make me feel better. I am grateful for people who have dedicated their lives to helping people like me who have no solution through conventional medicine (not for lack of trying!) Massage, acupuncture, reflexology - I've tried them all. And they all help a little to keep me going on in the midst of this unpredictable illness.

I was thinking about waves yesterday - the kind of waves that break relentlessly against the beach, eroding the shoreline and any structures unlucky enough to rest on that shore. My daughter took a trip to Egmont Key last week and brought back photos of an old building almost lost to the sea. Some days I feel like that building. Battered and broken by the waves and breakers of circumstance; crumbling and without the protection of walls or roof or door. Not a shelter, just an empty shell. Nothing to offer anyone.

I guess the person who wrote that psalm felt the same way. He wrote about the old days, when he was happy and joyful and festive, before his trouble came and before he felt like God had forgotten him because of his unrelenting pain and sorrow.

And yet, he held on to hope. He held on, in the face of all obstacles, to the hope that someday he would "yet praise Him," as he once did. And right after he wrote about the waves sweeping over him, he wrote this:

"By day the Lord directs His love,
at night His song is within me-
a prayer to the God of my life."

And, crazy as it may sound, I am holding on to those words and that hope. The hope that there is meaning to all of this. That unseen, in the midst of it all, the Lord is directing His love to me and to those around me. And that His song within me will never be silenced.


S. Etole said...

And the joy of the Lord will be our strength.

Melanie said...

I, too, have borne those "breakers."

B. Meandering said...

I find that when the waves hit, scripture helps. But sometimes, I just need to have a good cry and then I'm ready to face the waves again.(I suffer from a chronic illness also--fibromyalgia combined with osteo arthritis).

Elisabelle said...

i am sorry that you had a difficult day...

Laura said...

oh leslie, I know, I know.