Wednesday, September 22, 2010

in this world




They aren't supposed to be here.

ADHESIONS.

Evil word. Healing fibers gone rampant,
sealing wounds, then snaking
malevolent fingers
to seize the healthy parts and bind them fast.

PAIN. DEPRIVATIONS. FEAR.

They aren't supposed to be here.

I had a healing once,
and they were gone and I was free
to marry, to bear a child, to live.
ten years, a little more,
a gift

They aren't supposed to be here.

Adhesions grow again, sometimes
and mine returned,
worse than before and
the surgeons cut to heal, but
there is no healing,
now
apart from His.

They aren't supposed to be here.

But they are.

And God knows,
and God allows.

And sometimes,
I weep for His knowing,
for leaving me here
so afflicted
and I weep for others like me

in this world
where healing fibers grow destruction,
where beloved children die
while others lie abandoned
or abused

in this world
where we cry and
grieve the reality of deep suffering
and unanswered prayers

in this world
where God became flesh
to know our pain
and conquer darkness
and


RISE.


in this world, by faith

He is still
GOOD.

He is still
LOVE.

And He weeps with us.


"Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."
—Jesus
Luke 7:23


(visit in the hush of the moon for more imperfect prose)



22 comments:

Lauri said...

Praise God that He is still good, and that He promises to make all things new! He weeps with us now but promises to wipe every tear from our eyes. praying for you as you wait on God to answer

Rachel said...

"He is still
GOOD.

He is still
LOVE.

And He weeps with us."

Great wonderful truth! Still praying for you as well. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him may you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

ELK said...

so good and such a comfort that can be!!

Wandering On Purpose said...

Your words here spoke to me, all of them, but especially the last third of your poem.

Jodi said...

I am so sorry for your suffering and will continue to pray for your healing. <3

Misty said...

i do not suffer physical wounds, but i suffer those scars from being abused, and i've asked so many of the questions here. it has taken more faith than i had sometimes to hold on to his goodness, and now, i am so glad i never let go. b/cs in this ugly, fallen world, we will all face things that arent' supposed ot be here. none of the ugliness was intended, and yet it's here, and we are broken in a thousand ways b/cs of it. i weep for you and with you, and He does, too. he sees a bigger picture-an eternal one- and i know you *know* that, and i'm sorry for your pain here. you write beauty into this pain, into this-side-of-heaven-ugliness. you inspire b/cs you hold on.

B. Meandering said...

Your pain emerges in your words,yet it doesn't control the words--I feel your pain (as you know--wow, God has a strong jab!). Am in your corner, friend.

B. Meandering said...

Oh--forgot to say that picture is an awesome way to portray what you're going through.

Laura said...

I am so sorry for your terrible, terrible pain. I live with MS, have had interstitial cystitis, Crohn's disease and joint pain for many years, so I can only speak from my own experience: I believe that God's healing work is not in the removal of illness from our bodies (though that would be welcomed), but in God's Presence...sitting with us so we are not alone at times when we are afraid, buoying us with courage through our faith...for me God is not the "fixer" but the One Who inspires us to reach out to care for each other. The One who blesses us with a Creation that is beautiful to behold, friends and family to love, moments of gratitude sprinkled throughout each day. For me that is how God's healing works.

gentle steps

Melanie said...

Yes.

imoomie said...

I hear you.

Francesca said...

I'm so sorry you're suffering, but glad you've found in your faith the way to be free and at peace.

emily wierenga said...

i'm crying, leslie. you're right. they're not supposed to be here. oh, i know he aches for you too... and one day, perfect healing, and the world that's supposed to be here, will be. and we won't cry anymore. how i love you. e.

Brian Miller said...

and one day he will come again and the world will be with and without...and it will be a perfect place...

Claudia said...

such a lot of things we don't understand
my youngest daughter had neurodermatitis when she was small - and she scratched herself bloody every night - and there was not a lot we could do - but crying to god and beg for healing
it started to get better when she was 7 but i still feel that desperation when thinking back

Kati patrianoceu said...

Ouch! Wow... thank you for sharing so openly. And for the wisdom you present, that is so so true: that there is just so much suffering in this world of so many different types. Somehow it is beautiful, isn't it? It's a hard lesson, I feel, to balance between seeing God's beauty in everything, even trials as what you are facing, and letting my heart be broken once again.

Craig and Bethany said...

Yup. And amen.

Nancy said...

An enemy has done this. Yet, all will be well. Your words speak hallelujah for the hope you have when your heart and body hurt. They humble me. Blessings, Leslie. Breathing prayer for you as I type.

patty said...

incredibly touching. perfect image to go w your words... and i am so sorry for your suffering.

Sarah said...

I'm watching tonight with a friend whose 5 day old baby is undergoing life-and-death surgery and it's still touch and go. This is the perfect read, the perfect prayer for us tonight. Thank you.

HisFireFly said...

Yes, HE Is still, and His love will turn all things fo good as He promises in Romans 8:28 and perhaps one day we will understand, as we suffer and wonder that He can know and we hurt still..

breathtaking words.. thank you

Kim Hyland said...

"And sometimes, I weep for His knowing, for leaving me here so afflicted." So raw. But such a comfort to know "He weeps with us." Makes me think of the shortest scripture, "Jesus wept." Knowing He would raise Lazarus, He still shared the pain of loss with Mary and Martha.

Have you read this post? http://winsomewoman.blogspot.com/2010/07/potters-prerogative.html

I pray it's a comfort to you. Especially, the quote at the end. Leslie, you are precious. Praying for God's overwhelming love to meet and sustain you, my dear blog friend. xo